this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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