Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
