I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
