I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
