I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
