i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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