Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
