I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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