You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
