Soap is not a condiment
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
