so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
