I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
