I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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