we have officially lost it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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