Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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