My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
