I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
