I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please, let me fuck your mom
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
