I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
