Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
