Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's blow job season.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
