wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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