There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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