That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
