i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
