Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
