...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
