Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
