who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
