Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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