I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize