i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
