Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
