If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
whose parrot is this?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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