K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
