Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
