Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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