If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
