We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
