she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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