My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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