u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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