Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
