think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
