What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
