I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
