The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
