Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She said her name was "party"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
