onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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