Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
