I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
