At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
