If i come over, it means nothing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
