I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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