we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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