All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
