My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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