it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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