She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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