Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
