this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
