you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
