forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize