Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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