Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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