did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
