I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
