I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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