Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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