Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
