His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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