Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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