He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
