You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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