I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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