do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
