3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize