I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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