My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
