sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
