I'm really into asian looking animals
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
