My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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