My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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