So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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