my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
