I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize