I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
