is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
