Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
