theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
